“For Better [Or] For Worse”

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. . . In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— . . . However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. Ephesians 5: 25, 28, 29, 33, NIV.

Gracious God, the love that You have for Your church, and that You exhort husbands to have for their wives, is indeed a mystery! But Your Word enjoins us to “love one another,” as You have loved us. Please help us to be obedient to Your command. In the blessed name of Jesus we pray. Amen.

“For better, for worse.” Most of us, no doubt, have heard these words repeated at wedding ceremonies. I remember doing a series many, many, years ago, at church, entitled, “Love, Courtship, and Marriage.” At that time, I shared with the congregation a concern of mine, that, before marrying a couple, pastors should sit with them and go over every phrase of the marriage vow, one by one. I believe that that is a good time to look at these challenges, and prayerfully, decide whether you really are ready for marriage. When we are standing there at the altar, with dads and big brothers, and uncles, and cousins, staring at us, men might be afraid to say, “I do not believe that I am ready to take on this responsibility.” Women, on the other hand, who are naturally, nurturers (at least the majority are), might wonder what others would think of us if we were not willing to comply with these duties. Therefore, if we can deal with these expectations in a more relaxed setting, with someone who is neutral, it would make it easier for us to give careful and detailed consideration, to these vows.

Let us not be afraid to look long and hard at them. Let us not be afraid to ask ourselves, “Will I have what it takes to remain in this marriage if our situation should change overnight? What if an accident was to leave my spouse incapable of satisfying my physical needs, would I be willing to live a life of celibacy in faithfulness to God and to my spouse? What if illness was to leave my spouse deformed, would I still love him or her? What if one of our children were to be born with a challenge (physical, mental, psychological), would I be willing to remain in the marriage and stand by my spouse’s side, “for better or for worse?”

Although the admonition in our Scripture is directed to husbands, I believe that the same is expected of wives. When it talks about Christ giving Himself for the church, I believe  it is referring to a willingness to sacrifice for the other person. Sacrifice can take many forms; however, what I believe is crucial here, is the unconditional qualityof the love. Nothing should be allowed to come between spouses. After God, nothing should be bigger, or more important to a husband than his love for his wife, and vice versa. It is the kind of love that makes his needs her number one priority, and vice versa. And this love does not depend on the other person responding in kind. Christ died for the entire word, but the entire world has not responded to His love. Nevertheless, He continues to love the entire world!

The apostle echoes the words of Jesus that we should love others the way we love ourselves, “each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself[.]” This may sound ridiculous, but we do not abandon ourselves when the going gets rough. We stick it out. Our survival instinct is so strong, that most of us never give up the fight for life. In many cases, even in the face of terminal illness, some individual’s will to take care of themselves is so strong, that it defies even death! That is how much some people love themselves! They are willing to turn their entire lives around, and make whatever changes are necessary, in order to have a second chance at life. They will make any sacrifice, to extend their lives. The apostle encourages us to apply this same determination to our marriage relationships, by loving one another as we love ourselves.

When we succeed in doing this, remaining in love will be possible, in the good times, and the bad times, and it will not be difficult to stay together “for better or for worse.”