Our Families Are Gifts of Love – Cherish Them! – Part 19

Now Elimelech, Naomi’s husband, died, and she was left with her two sons. They married Moabite women, one named Orpah and the other Ruth. After they had lived there about ten years,  both Mahlon and Kilion also died, and Naomi was left without her two sons and her husband.  .  . Then Naomi said to her two daughters-in-law, “Go back, each of you, to your mother’s home. May the LORD show kindness to you, as you have shown to your dead and to me. May the LORD grant that each of you will find rest in the home of another husband.” Then she kissed them and they wept aloud and said to her, “We will go back with you to your people.”  .  .  . At this they wept again. Then Orpah kissed her mother-in-law good-by, but Ruth clung to her. Ruth 1: 3,4, 8-10, 14, NIV.

Gracious God, please teach us the value of family relationships as we study Your Word, this day. In the name of Jesus Christ we pray. Amen.

For the next few days we want to look at some of the relationships between extended family members, that are recorded in the Bible. The first story that is impressed upon my mind is that of Naomi and her two daughters-in-law, Ruth and Orpah. This is such an extraordinary story, in every detail. Here is this Jewish family, who, in an effort to escape the famine in Bethlehem of Judah, decide to migrate to, of all places, Moab! Stranger yet, is the fact, that while dwelling there, their sons, Mahlon and Kilion, decide to take Moabite women for their wives! Everything seemed to be going well, until, misfortune struck her family. Naomi becomes a widow.

According to the way the story is told, it was after the death of her husband, that her two sons got married. Ten years later, they also died. In the midst of her emotional famine, the good news, that God has visited his people, reaches Naomi in Moab – the material famine is over! God never gives His children more than they can bear! So she decides to return home. She must now say goodbye to her friends in Moab, and her two daughters-in-law. It is at this point that we begin to see what an outstanding person, Naomi is, forming, and taking care of, relationships! Her daughters- in law would rather go with her to a strange land, than remain with their  families of origin!

Naomi uses every argument she can think of, in an effort to convince them to return, but to no avail. After much persuading, Orpah decides to turn back, but not without much weeping. Not so with Ruth. She would not let her mother-in-law return home, alone. She would go and take care of her. I really believe that Ruth was doing what she did, for her mother-in-law, rather than for herself. She felt a sense of loyalty to Ruth. I have heard people say, and perhaps you have too:  “I married him or her, not his or her, family.” The truth of the matter is, marriage is a family affair! As I said in a recent devotional, “leaving and cleaving, do not represent, abandoning.” Instead of the two families losing a son or a daughter, they both gain a son or a daughter. Under such circumstances, marriage becomes a win-win situation.

If we are to be very honest, as mothers, most of us do not feel threatened by our daughters, getting married, it is our sons, that we tend to want to hold on to! There is so much that we can learn from Naomi. One of the most helpful lessons, is that, usually, (there are exceptions to the rule) if we, the mothers-in-law, are willing to receive our son’s wife as our daughter, there is no friction! Most daughters-in law are longing to be accepted by their husband’s mother, in good faith. Many of them, just want to be friends , and fit in with the rest of the family. Mother, is usually, the one who sets the pace for that to happen. Most sisters, who are very protective of their brothers (especially if he is the only brother) are willing to go along with whatever mom says. Dad is usually neutral in these cases. It has to be something really serious at stake, for fathers to reject their son’s wife.

Treat your daughter-in-law the way you would want your daughter’s mother-in-law, to treat her. The Golden Rule is always a good “rule of thumb,” in preserving healthy relationships, and in receiving God’s blessings.! Even if you have doubts when you first meet her, pray to the Lord for wisdom and guidance. Do not allow the opinion of others to affect the way you treat her. Keep both her and your son in prayer. If you have real concerns, after praying, speak to your son, and then speak to the young lady. Be open and honest with her. Hypocrisy is not good for healthy relationships. I love Ruth’s honesty in talking matters over with her two daughters-in-law. She showed them the cons in going back home with her. I believe this was the way she dealt with them from day one!

Make up your mind to love her. It sounds simplistic, but I believe that in most cases, “Love begets love.” The Bible says that we love God “because He first loved us” (1 John 4: 19). If you and your son are very close, it may be somewhat of a challenge to “share” him with someone else. But do not forget that “once upon a time,” a mother shared her son with you. Don’t forget the Golden Rule!

Trust your son’s good judgment in choosing a life partner. Believe that you and your husband raised him well, and that he is wise enough to make a good choice. Remember that it is his life, and he can choose to share it with whoever he wills. Of course, if you know for a fact, that he might be making a mistake, pray like you have never prayed before, that God will reveal it to him. If you have to confront him with evidence of his possible mistake, do it prayerfully, humbly, lovingly, and never do, or say, anything to him, that would endanger the life of the young lady. In such a case, go in a spirit of love and humility, directly, to her.

Whatever you do, do it all to the glory of God, and God will do the rest! Under the most unusual circumstances He did it for Naomi. He can also do it for you and me!

NOTE:  These counsels are shared from a Biblical, not a clinical, perspective.