“Look,” said Naomi, “your sister-in-law is going back to her people and her gods. Go back with her.” But Ruth replied, “Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the LORD deal with me, be it ever so severely, if anything but death separates you and me.” When Naomi realized that Ruth was determined to go with her, she stopped urging her. Ruth 1: 15-17, NIV.
Heavenly Father, You created us to be in relationship with You, and with each other. We are grateful to You for this, and we really want to have good relationships. As we study Your Word today, please teach us how to do this. in the blessed name of Jesus we pray. Amen.
Relationships between in-laws, are some of the most delicate relationships that exist. Setting, and respecting, boundaries, is usually the problem. One of the best safeguards against trespassing on the boundaries of others, is for everyone to have their space, and for everyone to occupy their space. Because families of origin play such a big part in laying the foundation for future homes, the question of being unequally yoked is of utmost importance. For the majority of us, the idea of being unequally yoked is primarily a question of religious belief. While I agree, that from a biblical perspective, that is the main issue, it is by no means, the only issue.
The background of the persons who will comprise the new family should be carefully studied. What kinds of relationships existed in their homes of origin? What boundaries existed between, and among, them? Were they very loving and intimate in their dealings with each other? Did they share everything with one another? Were anniversaries, and birthdays, and accomplishments, celebrated? Was eating together very important? Was giving gifts, a big thing for them? How was the work distributed among the members of the family? All of these details, big and small, are very important, as they all play a part in the formation of the individuals who come from these homes.
While it is true that sons and daughters will “leave father and mother and will cleave” to their spouses; the way they were brought up, and the environment, of their original homes, will always be a part of who, they are. Acknowledging, and, respecting, that fact, is crucial to a healthy relationship between spouses. Before even becoming engaged, couples should sit in open, and honest, dialogue, about the kind of home they hope to establish, and what part their extended family will have, if any, in their lives, after they get married. This is one of the best ways to go about establishing boundaries. If boundaries are set at the very beginning, there are less possibilities of them being overlooked, or trampled upon, after the couple get married.
When the individuals in a family know, and love, the Lord, and are in a personal relationship with Him; when the family altar is the meeting place at the beginning, and at the end of the day; when families gather around the table at meal time, to give God thanks for the blessings of food, and appetite; of fellowship and togetherness; of joy and peace, bonds are formed between spouses, and the immediate members of the family, that serve as natural boundaries, of their family unit. Extended family members and friends, enter this fellowship, by invitation only; as the limits are well defined. In different cultures, the limits are more, or less, defined.
Apparently, Naomi was very much loved, and accepted, as part of the families of both her sons. To the extent that, at their death, instead of naturally, going back to their homes of origin, her daughters-in-law, sought to cleave to her, instead. She offered them the option of going back to their parents home, but gladly accepted Ruth, when she refused to leave her. She obviously, had mastered the art of knowing how to be flexible in adjusting boundaries, according to the situation.
May God help us, as Christians, to be both wise, and kind, in setting, and respecting, healthy boundaries.