And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. Ephesians 6: 4, NKJV.
Merciful Father, our souls long to hear from You. Please come close and teach us. This we humbly ask in the holy name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
We promised that we would continue with the study we began yesterday. You will notice that our text says: “do not provoke your children to wrath.” Nevertheless, our study yesterday was devoted to the relationship between fathers and their sons. Today we will study what a healthy relationship between a father and his daughter should look like! Fathers, your daughters need you! You are the measurement she will use when establishing relationships with those of the opposite sex. Most little girls when talking about who they are going to marry when they grow up will reply: “I am going to marry my dad.” They say it so proudly!
As they grow up, that translates into: “The person I marry, has to be just like my dad.” In other words, you are her example of what the perfect husband should be. Therefore, if you want your daughter to choose a good man as her husband – model a good man before her – be a good man! Of course providing her with a good male role model, is much more complex than that; but I believe that it is a very good place to start! It is a strong foundation upon which she can begin to build!
Let us begin to name some of the behaviors that might be helpful for young girls to observe in their homes. Mothers, you are your daughter’s example of wisdom, good taste, integrity, and so much more. As a child she most likely wants to be like you when she grows up. So the way you behave, will help to create her code of conduct. Note that I said help, not determine. We are all unique creatures. She may want to be like you, but there are traits of character that make her unique. There are no two individuals who are exactly, alike! Ultimately, she will have to choose for herself, how, and who, she wants to be. But the example you set, if positive, can be very helpful.
Dad, respect your wife, and the mother of your children. Model before your daughter and son, the empowering behavior of respect. Make respecting her mom so attractive, that she will want nothing less for herself – from her life partner. Do not raise your voice at her mother. Do not call her names. Do not ever raise your hands at her; and please, never, ever, ever, hit her! You will notice that I did not say, not to do these things in front of your daughter or son. They should never be done!
Whatever, you want for your daughter, do to your wife. Because your daughter loves and respects both of you, she is trusting that whatever you do is acceptable behavior (of course that influence varies with age). Even if she is not in agreement with your behavior – are you ready for this? Example, and environment are so powerful, that consciously, or, unconsciously, she is likely to imitate your example! If you want to make a wife-abuser attractive to your daughter, abuse her mother!
Show respect for your wife’s opinion! Help your son and daughter to develop respect for a woman’s intelligence. Women are body and mind and soul, all wrapped up in one extraordinary package! You cannot separate the parts. What you will have left will be incomplete, and therefore, less than a human being. You have to respect the whole person, to give your daughter a sense of wholeness, completeness! And thereby, leave a worthy example for your son to follow.
Be gentle, and tender, and kind, and sweet, to your wife. Remember, your daughter is most likely developing a great percentage of her self-worth from the treatment you give to her mom. Your son is probably getting his cues on how much a woman is worth, from the way he sees you behave toward his mom. Dads, someone is watching you. Someone is following in your footsteps, Be careful how you are walking in life.
Fathers, it is a terrible provocation for your children to watch you abuse your wife and their mother. It can lead to anger and frustration, and even worse. Besides, it is a bad example for them. God is depending on you to “lead” your family “in paths of righteousness” for His “name sake!” He never asks us to do anything that He knows we cannot do. You were created in God’s image, and after His likeness (Genesis 1: 26-28). By the study of God’s Word, you can be “complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work” (2 Timothy 3: 16, 17). Then you can fulfill your high calling, and your destiny, to provide a firm and strong foundation upon which your family can grow, and be protected from evil. You can “bind” your family together!
NOTE: These counsels are shared from a Biblical, not a clinical, perspective.